I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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