He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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