Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
