I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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