There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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