New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Michael Bay diarrhea
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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