He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
