I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We got so high we made milksteak
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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