ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
