Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
