That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize