i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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