wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
