North Korea, Best Korea!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
