That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
