I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
