$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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