This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
