it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
