yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
