I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
