evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
