Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
