I want to stick my p in your. b.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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