Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
