Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
