so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
