I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
