The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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