Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
