The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
