Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
