I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
