I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
