Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
