Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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