just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize