ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
