He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
