i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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