Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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