It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i now understand why vodka
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
