i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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