What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
