Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
