I accidentally burped into my bong.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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