I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
