He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
