Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
