we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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