i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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