We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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