Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
