508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
