We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
