What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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