im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
