i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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