how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need a beard to bite.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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