if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
