Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my being single is dangerous.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
is it fun? or sober?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
