ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's blow job season.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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