Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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