in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
