I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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