16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
