so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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