I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
