Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
