Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
