I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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