Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
