I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
