you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
