I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
